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Sunday, October 28, 2007

Dealing with colleagues

For those of you who’ve had moments when you’ve just wanted to strangle the person you work with, have no fear. Here are ways in which you can cope with that difficult colleague:

1. The Bitch: Characterized by passive aggression and attention seeking tactics, these are the most insecure and vengeful colleagues to watch out for. Both men and women fit into this category, though women are likely to be more slyly malicious. When faced with this kind of a person at work, it is best to simply ignore them to their face while getting back up ready in the form of witnesses to the person's foul behaviour towards you. Ensure that the rest of your colleagues know and side with your side of the story, whatever it may be.

2. The Rat: Characterized by overt friendliness but an air of guarded nosiness, these are your bosses informers or 'spies' as I'd prefer to term them. They often snoop around your conversations with your close friends or are even part of the conversation. Juicy gossip that is likely to get you or other people into trouble, is then duly reported to the boss. It is best to identify these leaks and plug them immediately by having nothing to do with them or giving them a steady stream of "dummy feed" (which is basically stuff you want the boss to hear) to keep them happy.

3. Hitler: Characterized by bossiness, dominance, overt aggression and an obvious superiority complex, these are the type of people who will drive you to work overtime and to their levels of satisfaction because they think you need to keep up to their standards and not drag them down. When faced by a Hiltlerian idiot, simply 'i.g.n.o.r.e' and do your own thing. If they persist, inform them very candidly that as long as you are delivering the goods, it’s none of their concern what your work style is.

4. The Slacker: Characterized by late entries and early exits and conspicuous by their absence before important meetings or presentations. This variety is perhaps the most annoying of all, especially if appraisals are done team-wise. You must be firm with slackers from the moment you notice their slackery. If you let them off the hook once, they will make you the sucker for life. Don't offer to do their share of work by buying into their constant excuses and do not cover up for them in front of the boss. Also, working with friends often leads to slackery and leads to unpleasant situations so avoid it.

5. The Idea Thief: Characterized by laziness and a constant desire to be in the boss's good books, this colleague is also very ambitious but realizes he/she doesn't have the skills to make it to the top, hence resorts to err sharing yours! Publicly demand credit for your work. That is the only way to go. Have written proof of the fact that the idea was originally yours. Get people who know that the work is yours to support you when you confront the person. And don't feel shy to bring up the issue as and when it crops up, or you will be the loser in the end.

6. The Over-friendly moron: Characterized by excessive hanging around your table/cabin, borrowing your stuff without asking, talking about you as if you're best friends, giving you unwanted advice etc. Be polite but aloof if you don't want to have anything to do with the person. Don't start a conversation. When spoken to, answer in monosyllables etc. But never be rude or even offhandedness with a colleague as that can be misconstrued in very bad form and you will be thought of as unprofessional. If the person takes your stuff without asking, don't keep quiet, just go and ask for it saying you were using it and if they had asked, you would have perhaps lent it to them for awhile.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Golden Rules For Every Women

1. The most important person in your life is YOU. Not your kids, not your hubby, not your parents. You will have to take care of yourself first before taking care of others you love.

2. Never depend on anyone else to be happy. Never depend on anyone else to make you happy. Being happy is like a job. You have to do it. It is not optional.

3. Contrary to a lot of ideas you may have got from movies and novels accept the fact that you and your husband are really 2 individuals. Nothing bad about that. If you can accept that, then most of your problems will be solved by themselves.

4. He can have things that he likes, and you may not like them. Instead of forcing yourself do those things with him and ending up bitter, just happily let him do what he wants to and you do things you like.

5. Do not always expect him to do things to make you happy. You do things to make yourself happy. When you are happy you automatically will do things that will make him happy.

6. If he is upset or depressed with something try to find out why. If he doesn't respond just let him be. They don't like to be talkative when they are upset. When he is better, once again let him know you are willing to listen about the problem, but if he still doesn’t want to talk about it, let it go!

7. Just because he is upset or angry doesn't mean that you have to have a long face and give him back the silent treatment. You be cheerful, doing the things you usually do! Talk to him about routine things around the house or jokes, stuff you normally talk about. Talk to friends, play with your kids, go out for a walk, shopping etc. Use this as the time that you have for yourself ... which is a big treat for you. That way you won't be down because he is upset and he can't be upset for a long time because you are cheerful around him.

8. Now what if you are upset. Do things you love to do. Music always cheers me up. Still upset. Talk about my problem to friends. Still upset. Have a good cry ( preferably alone )... cry your heart out without any inhibitions.

9. Still upset. If this is with your husband ... write to him ... seriously a letter will help. If you talk you may cry and not complete what you wanted to say or, yell and say things you never mean or, he may not be in a mood to listen to you. With a letter you will have control over your emotions and not write anything you regret. You will already feel like you are talking to him and told all your problems.

By this time mostly you would have overcome your sadness and a solution will slowly start forming in you. Then you decide whether you want to give it to him. He will definitely read it. If not immediately maybe when he is cooled down. He cannot misinterpret what you have written because it is all there in paper. He will read it at least twice or more and every time he reads it he will get a better understanding.

Still upset !!!! Go to the internet and read the news, look at pictures of a war going on, people killed in bombs, murdered, rape, child marriages, children kidnapped etc. You will feel grateful for what you have and realize how insignificant your problem is.

10. Times when you feel that you two are caught up in a routine and don't really spend time together just drop all your work and go and give him a big hug and a kiss. Don't wait for him. This is your happiness too. Go and do something about it. Then go back to your work. You make a practice of this you can see the difference.

11. Do not worry about what others say or think. Do what you feel is right for you without hurting others. You are the only person you have to answer to and also the only person who have to be better than.

12. Your child is your responisbility. Your kid shapes her thoughts, habits and beliefs of the world, about herself around you. So whatever your life maybe like portray a confident, brave, loving and cheerful parent before her. More than an expensive education or great savings your child needs to see her parents happy. That is the foundation for them.

13. If you feel that your husband is not taking care of the kids and you are overloaded just drop everything and 'become' sick for a day. You will be surprised how well your husband can take care of things around the house. They are just lazy and know that they have a choice. If they don't do it you will. But when you crash he will rise to the occasion. This is 100% true. Everything has to be learnt. Soon your kid may want dad for certain things and you will be more relieved.

I have written things that came to my mind. Not everyone will agree with me. But I am writing this because I am sure this will help lost of women out there.

So be happy and confident and everyone around you will follow suit.

Give Yourself a Boost

No more negativity, no more getting depressed. It’s time to feel good about yourself and your skin. Here are some easy boosters!

1. Wear the right clothes. Don't just follow fashion like a sheep. If a look doesn't suit your body type, then wearing it isn't going to make you look fashionable. The way you look can say a lot about you and influence the way you feel. Start watching what you wear to work. Make sure it’s smart, neat and professional. If you want to be taken seriously, it’s time to start dressing the part. Wear a little make-up to work, just mascara/eye liner and gloss. It won’t stand out as ‘too much’ but will definitely make you feel a little prettier and hence better your own body image!

2. Clichéd as it sounds, exercise is something that really helps you boost your own image. You realize that you are in control, not your tummy. Plus you will end up loosing a few pounds either way and look stunning in your sexy new dress! A good idea is to start each day with a walk/run/swim.

3. Get a haircut. If you have the same hair style you did a year ago (or since 12th grade!) update your look and create a new you!

4. Beauty treatments always help to make you feel better. Manicures, pedicures, facials etc. help make you feel special. If you have time off – treat yourself to a spa weekend, or get a snazzy new hair cut!

5. Retail therapy has a wonderful way of making a really bad day or a really bad mood disappear! Shoes are always a treat for me. But it doesn’t matter what you get, it’s just a liberating feeling!

6. Ask that cute boy out. Muster up the courage and go ahead with it. Or say yes to that guy who's been bugging you to go out on a date. It's just one date and it's nice to feel wanted.

7. Put your self to the test and give up one of your vices. Smoking, drinking, binge eating, starving, honking your horn too much, biting your fingernails, snapping at others needlessly, being overly obsessive – whatever your vice is, kick it!

8. Do something you have been meaning to do, something that is on your to-do list. This could be finishing a book, a project, sending an email you were meant to, running errands around the house. The successful feeling of having achieved a goal, increases self esteem.

9. Try your hand at something new. Anything that challenges you makes you feel better about yourself just for the effort and courage it takes to attempt something new. Try cooking/baking/gardening/pilates/yoga. For the more adventurous – rock climbing/belly dancing/ kickboxing/ wind surfing etc.
10.For those more intellectually inclined – mentally challenge yourself with a task that had earlier foxed you. You may surprise yourself!

11. Don’t depend on anyone else to make you happy. You can do it you self with your very own theme song!! Pick a song, or a few songs that really make you feel happy and glad to be living! When you are feeling low or down in the dumps – listen to it, hum it, heck sing out loud! You’d be surprised how much lighter you feel!

Remember to be yourself. Love who YOU are, only then can you let anyone else love you.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Dealing With Anger

Getting cut off in traffic, a missed deadline, spilt coffee, a cranky child - it doesn't take much to upset us these days.

A recent study by Yale School of Management professor Sigal G. Barsade and Donald Gibson of Fairfield University showed that 1 in 4 Americans feel at least somewhat angry at work. That's a lot of grumpy people in the office. Add to that the frustration of a long commute and imagine what we're like when we get home at night.

Anger is a normal and necessary emotion. How we deal with it makes all the difference. It's a common philosophy that venting anger is good for you. "It's cathartic," we're told. "Just get it out of your system." But expressing anger through yelling, throwing things, or pounding our keyboards has an incredible impact on our co-workers, our families and ourselves. There are decisive steps we can take to bring anger back under our control. The next time you feel your ire rising you can take action to deal with it in a healthy way.

  1. Take a deep breath. Believe it or not, pausing to take a deep breath when you're upset really does help. When you're angry your body releases adrenalin that increases your heart-rate and blood pressure, preparing you to run or to fight. Taking a deep breath helps to bring your heart-rate back down and sends a signal to your brain that the adrenalin isn't needed.
  2. Remove yourself from the situation. If you feel your anger mounting, walk away from the situation for a moment to give yourself the opportunity to regain control. Tell the other person that you need a minute and will be back. Take some deep breaths, splash water on your face, jump up and down. When you can think clearly return to the situation and deal with it.
  3. Communicate your frustration clearly. General statements using "you always" or "I never" rarely reflect the facts and don't solve arguments. Give specific examples of what has happened and how you are feeling. This gives the other person the opportunity to make amends if they are in the wrong, and helps to clear up confusion.
  4. Use a journal. If you find that you are often angry, a journal can be a safe place to scream out your frustrations. Let your anger come out through your pen. Write down exactly who you're mad at and why. If you want to tear it up afterwards, go right ahead. Just getting your thoughts down on paper can be cathartic, and this way no one gets hurt.
  5. Learn your triggers. Pay special attention to what it is that triggers your anger and then take action when you find yourself in those situations. If you know that you are more susceptible to anger when you're tired for example, don't have major discussions with your spouse late in the evening. Give yourself permission to say, "This really isn't a good time for me to discuss this. Can we talk about it _____" and set a specific time to discuss it. Setting a time and sticking to it shows the other person that you are not trying to avoid the topic but are genuinely seeking to find a solution.

If anger is becoming a major part of your life get in touch with a counselor. A licensed counselor can help you find the root of your anger and give you specific strategies for dealing with it.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Smart women, smart money

"I do not claim that all women, or a large portion of them, should enter into independent business relations with the world, but I do claim that all women should cultivate and respect in themselves an ability to make money."
-
Ellen Demarest

There are many reasons why a woman must put financial security high up on her list of priorities. Some important reasons are that women tend to live longer than men, earn less money than men and generally will have less to live on in retirement. These are reasons enough for women to think about getting their financial houses in order, whatever it takes.

Financial security is a critical matter. Ignore your financial well being and you may find yourself eating cat food in old age, wishing you'd put away a little something in your youth. There are many things that you can do to improve your situation. It's not too late to make your future years better ones. The most important thing you can do is to learn about finances however dreary and dreadful you may think it to be.

Find the right resources and you may actually enjoy the process! Read up on financial news, get together with other friends to exchange information, get yourself a guide or mentor to help you understand finances.

Here are some encouraging facts about women and money matters -

  • Women are often smarter than men about money.
  • They admit it when they don't know something.
  • They seek help.
  • They avoid risk.
  • They do their homework.
  • They set goals.
And the best part - balancing and juggling money comes naturally to them.
They have been doing it for years!

So, hone in on your money saving and making skills.
Remember that you need to invest wisely in your futur

Why women make better investments

Women put their nose to the ground and do all the sniffing they should before they invest in funds or the stock market. They take the effort to research the areas of operation of the companies they decide to invest in. The result? Investment clubs run by women seem to be making much more profits than men!

Women like to stick with it. Women don't make decisions to sell their stocks at the tiniest whim, they hold on to what they buy and the outcome is huge savings on transaction fees. Women normally see a reason to switch from one fund to the other only if the mutual fund is making losses. Get wise though, if your stock shows a sudden rise, look out. It might be because it is making risky investments.

Women understand their family priorities like children's education or a daughter's marriage and therefore rate stability higher! Women prefer not to invest until their family is more or less settled. Men on the other hand get into the market early to gauge their money skills it is more a test of skill than investment, which may encourage risky transactions. But don't wait all your life or for a personal tragedy to galvanise you into action, investing in the market early might fetch that much more returns.

Women make faithful workers and will stick to a company just because they are comfortable or because they are happy at home and office aggravations don't matter. In the process a woman might not be getting paid as much as she deserves. It is good to be able to continue to work at the same organisation for a long period, but it may be wiser to find out your market worth and ensure that you are being paid your due.

Women tend to set their money aside for the future, without any concrete plans for these reserves. But as important, as a retirement plan may be, it is also a great idea to motivate yourself from time to time, with little treats that will get you and your family to appreciate the concept of savings.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Perfectionism - Problems and Solutions

1.Be aware that perfectionism should not be confused with the desire to achieve excellence. The desire for excellence is the desire to do the very best possible while perfectionism is the quest for the unobtainable. In the extreme, perfectionism is like an obsession. Examples of such behavior include making sure that everything has its place and that one is always completely organized.

2.Perfectionism is based on a belief that "unless I am perfect, I am not okay." Perfectionists believe that they cannot be happy or enjoy life because they are not perfect. One does not have to be a compulsive organizer to be a perfectionist. Often, holding oneself or others to unrealistic standards can, by itself, result in stress.

3. Perfectionist thinking also can be a negative force in one's life. Perfectionists are typically driven by fear which is primarily the fear of failure. Perfectionism is an intense competition with oneself. Perfectionism, like anger, is one of the behavioural precursors of coronary heart disease and other physical problems. A high score on the scale of perfectionism will make any individual susceptible to such diseases.

Perfectionist, change your ways

Set realistic expectations
Most perfectionists try to do too much at one time. Frequently, they set extremely high standards for themselves and others that cannot be realistically attained. This attitude can be self-destructive. Goals that stretch people are fine. Goals that break people are not.
Deal with your fear of failure
Since the fear of failure motivates the perfectionist, ask yourself: "What is the worst thing that could happen if I didn't do everything just so perfectly?" Practice leaving some things undone or not as "perfect" as you would normally do. Most things can wait a day or two. Distinguish between life's essentials and non-essentials, so you know where to spend your effort and energy. Misplaced effort results only in greater disappointment.
Take time for yourself
Perfectionists often do not know what their true needs are or how to go about meeting those needs. Recognize that your needs are important.
Let go
Learn the art of "letting go". Remember that there is a time to turn off the computer, put the pen down and call it a day. Letting go is one of the best techniques you can learn.

What is Self Esteem?

Self-esteem is our internal feelings and evaluation of ourselves based on our perceived self-image. Self-esteem and self image are closely inter-related. And are largely based on our feedback while growing-up (parents, peers and other important figures).

And it doesn't take a continual repetition of negative statements from our parents, peers and others throughout our childhood to cause low self-image and self-esteem. Once we get a couple in our head, we can use them over and over again. That's what negative self-talk is....it erases the good, and replenishes it with bad. We take those false negatives and repeat them unconsciously. We need to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk.

Can counselling help? Most definitely. Negative self-talk is a problem that most counsellors are able to address.

Feel good about yourself :

Learn to like your trouble spots. Try some positive thinking on your trouble spots. For eg., "I hate my legs, but they work. I can walk and dance. And since I have no control over the way they look, it's silly to get obsessed over them."
Pamper yourself. Take baths and get massages, facials, manicures and pedicures. They will make you look good and feel good, and help you achieve your goal.
Stop negative talk. Make positive speech a long-term goal. Stop saying to yourself, 'I was bad (or good) today.' You will begin to feel better about yourself.
Don't compare yourself with others. Instead, think, "I'm better or just as good as anyone else is. Once you start thinking that about yourself, believe me, your self-confidence will soar high.
Look in the mirror and say, "I look good." You may not believe it now, but you will eventually believe it, if you keep saying this to yourself everyday. It's the power of positive thinking.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Talk About Yourself

Most of us shy away from talking about ourselves. When someone says “ Tell us aboutyourself” don’t we all get rather flustered? This is the end result of a lifelong of conditioning, where parents have taught us not to “blow one’s trumpet”, not to boast, not to talk too much about oneself…

This is a common enough question at any interview, and your answer carries a lot of weight. So, if you are one of those who blush, stutter or stammer when asked this question, read on…

Dealing with the question…

  • Remember, the person who asks you the question, probably has your CV right there in front of him.
  • He does not want to hear what is already there on your CV
  • Do not get disconcerted or nervous
  • Practice answering this question, before you face the situation.
  • Sound confident, even if you are not

Evaluation Process

By asking this question, the person is probably evaluating you for any of the following:

  • Confidence
  • Your ability to think “out of the box”
  • Imagination
  • Your ability to deal with the unexpected
  • Communication skills
  • People’s skills
  • Attitude
  • Personality

A great opportunity for you…

Actually being asked to speak about yourself may sound unnerving, but this is a wonderful opportunity for you! See how you can use it to your advantage!

  • Plug in all information of importance, that you could not fit into your CV
  • Talk about your interests, hobbies, additional courses you may have taken etc
  • State how you acquired more than academic knowledge at the institution you studied at.
  • Talk about people / leaders who may have influenced you
  • Talk about your strengths as a learning process: marketing skills, problem solving or management skills etc
  • Talk about your value system: how you appreciate punctuality or value time
  • Make sure your opening line is clear, concise and rehearsed. Eg. “ I have been fortunate to have studied at a premier institution….”
  • Practice your opening line in front of a friend, to get genuine feedback
  • Remember it is important NOT to blow your own trumpet, boast, or sound pompous
So, are you ready to talk about yourself?

Princess Diana - A Sad Fairy Tale


Once upon a time there was a little girl who learned she had been expected to be a boy. So intent were her parents on having a son that she had to wait a week after her birth to receive a name, the Honorable Diana Frances Spencer. Two older sisters and the brother who eventually arrived had royal godparents, but her father and mother picked commoners — rich ones, certainly, but untitled nevertheless — to swear their faith for her at the baptismal font.

Her first memory was of plastic, a warm synthetic smell touched off by sunlight on her stroller. She also remembered visits to the churchyard grave of the child her parents conceived just before her, a boy who lived barely 10 hours. Had he survived, she often wondered, would she have existed? Or would her mother, having produced a male heir, have left her husband for another man sooner than she actually did, breaking up the family before Diana could be born? She wished she were her oldest sister, the firstborn, the star of the family: smart, extroverted, unafraid to greet their hated stepmother with an insolent burp. At nine, Diana would bravely declare that she would marry only once — and only for love — and never, never divorce. But even as she said that, she stared out, as she would often do, from beneath her bangs, never quite looking anyone in the eye. For her parents, once in love, were no longer.

Once upon another time this little girl would grow up and fall in love and marry a prince and grow so happy for such a splendid moment that the whole world paused to marvel and rejoice with her, falling in love with Diana in love. The sunshine of her shy smile outshone royalty. she became the most famous woman on earth. But she learned quickly that though she had become a princess and borne her husband an heir, she could never truly become his queen. And when she died, suddenly, the day after the 36th anniversary of her christening, the world, still in love, stopped for a very long moment to grieve.

Why did so many mourn her so, and why do they mourn her still? Was it because the feats and foibles of British royalty have always been such an integral part of the world's story — and because Diana acted out the latest chapters in Britain's thousand-year-old soap opera with such compelling charisma, with such a facility for manipulation and melodrama? Was it just that: the flawed heroine vanishes, and we are bereft of narrative? Or was it because her unexpected end gave emotional resonance to the profuse and sometimes conflicting details of her intensely scrutinized life, uncovering omens through tragic retrospective, inchoate but nevertheless consoling proofs of destiny and meaning? Or perhaps all of that is not quite the heart of the grieving. Perhaps the mourning was over something simple yet profound, something cosmic yet common...

What cannot be denied is that in the beginning there was majesty, that fascinating natural resource of her homeland, a country celebrated by its greatest bard as "this England ... this teeming womb of royal kings, fear'd by their breed and famous by their birth." Still, majesty is a concept that requires re-enchantment every generation or so — and in this time the spell was Diana.

Her mother-in-law, the Queen, had once worked the magic. Elizabeth had continued the task thrust upon her father, purging the dynasty of the scandal that had threatened to ruin it, brought on by her irresponsible playboy of an uncle, who shirked duty and gave up the throne for a forbidden marriage. Elizabeth furthered the reconstruction of the Windsors by making the clan work, making it the inspiring exemplar of ideal family life, albeit one adorned with crowns and tiaras. Elizabeth would serve. She would persevere. She would be dutiful. She would obey.

And then came Diana, the girl chosen to refresh the line, to bear its heirs, to be the new smiling face of the family. Despite the stately filigree Elizabeth had embroidered onto the Windsor facade, Diana found the dynasty dysfunctional, uncertain of its work, in truth more a firm than a family. Diana tried to serve. she tried to persevere. She tried to be dutiful. But in the end, she would not obey.

This disastrous turn of events nevertheless failed to dissipate popular fascination with the British royals. Indeed, it intrigued the world even more. For was this not to be expected of the line that had leavened history with domestic dramas both delicious and dolorous? Henry VIII and his six wives; the rivalry of a Virgin Queen and her all too lusty Scots cousin; the madness of George III and the cupidity of his sons; Victoria and the brood she produced to rival the Hapsburgs, marrying, marrying,marrying all over Europe.

Diana's catastrophic dalliance with the Windsors reverberated with history. It seemed as if the marriage and bitter divorce of Charles and Diana were inevitable evolutionary steps in the centuries-long intercourse between the Spencers and the Crown. For not only did the Spencers trace their descent from the same kings the Windsors claimed as ancestors, but in the 17th century alone, four of Diana's forebears were royal mistresses: Charles II was linked to three Spencer women, his brother James II to one. In the 18th century, Georgiana Spencer, the daughter of the first Earl of Spencer, scandalized the country not only with her many infidelities but also with her affair with the Prince of Wales, who may have been the father of one of her children. The same pathetic prince, after being abandoned by Georgiana, would pursue her sister Henrietta, who spurned him amid a comic seduction. In this century, a Prince of Wales again paid court to a Diana forebear: Lady Cynthia Hamilton, who chose instead to become the wife of the seventh Earl of Spencer and thus Diana's grandmother. The prince eventually turned to the American divorcee Wallis Simpson — and had to give up his throne for the woman he loved. What if Lady Cynthia had married the prince? The more cogent question is: Should not her decision have served as warning to her granddaughter to avoid a royal marriage?

History and its omens hovered around the marriage of Charles and Diana like uninvited guests bearing ill tidings. Tradition called for a wedding in Westminster Abbey. But Charles did not want to marry in Westminster, preferring St. Paul's Cathedral. He pointed out that a royal marriage had once been celebrated in the old St. Paul's: in the 16th century, Arthur, Prince of Wales, had married his Spanish bride Catherine there. It was an acceptable precedent — but an unfortunate one. Arthur died before the marriage was consummated, and Catherine, a prize because she was the daughter of Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain, was eventually wed to the new English heir, becoming the unhappy first of Henry VIII's six wives.

As for Diana, she wanted to avoid Westminster for reasons of personal history: her parents were married there in 1954. At that wedding, the Bishop of Norwich told the couple, "You are making an addition to the hoe life of your country on which, above all others, our national life depends." It turned out to be a blessing without efficacy. Indeed, the opposite was visited upon the Spencers. Diana wanted no part of that unintended curse. And so Charles and Diana were married in St. Paul's — in the end, a futile dodge.

The personal history of Diana before the Windsors was, of course, a premonition of the life of Diana the princess. In 1982, the year after the royal wedding, the journalist Penny Junor was almost apologetic about writing the biography of a 20-year-old "who has spent 19 of those years in almost total obscurity." What kind of life could possibly be told? And yet the details she related then possess a fatalistic glow now, hinting at the troubled Diana who would emerge over the next 15 years. While admiring of its subject, Junor's book nevertheless draws attention to Diana's imperfect virtues. "Diana was a compulsive washer," Junor wrote matter-of-factly, before cataloging how, in boarding school, Diana would not let a day go by without bathing, no matter how late it was, sneaking into the bathroom after lights were out even though it was strictly forbidden by the school, which allowed the girls to shower only three times a week. "She also had a compulsion for washing clothes" — and did more washing than any other student at school When she had time to visit her sisters, Diana would do their laundry too. After her marriage, she would write to an ex-nanny saying, "I do get annoyed at not being able to do my washing and general ironing." At nine years old, she was dusting the nursery to keep a less than thorough nanny out of trouble when her father came to check the room. Goodness may explain some of this fastidiousness. But only some. After all, this girl became the woman who admitted to bulimia and a regular program of colonic irrigation.

The child Diana, like the adult princess, had a capacity for drama and a penchant to seek comeuppance — locking a hated nanny in a room where she would not be discovered till evening, throwing the underclothes of an au pair onto the roof of the house and watching with glee as the items were rescued. She was an indifferent student: she froze at exams, was terrible at French, even did badly at needlework. But her limitations would serve her well. A penchant for popular culture and romance novels cultivated what many would later praise as her "common touch," her ability to talk to ordinary people about things they cared about. In school she was recognized as a do-gooder and received seldom-awarded prizes for helpfulness. As a teenager, she learned quickly that loving children was not the same as being able to care for them. She took her training as a kindergarten teacher very seriously.

She was aware of how things failed to work — even things inspired by love. The infidelities and disappointments that befell her family were proof enough. Her mother lost custody of her children because the court saw fit to punish her for adultery. Her father chose to marry a woman his children detested. Diana knew what it was like to be six years old and unable to explain to her friends why her mother was no longer around, how even her most courageous front could snap in a fit of anger. She knew what it was to be caught crying in secret. But she wanted to get family right. And when, one day, her prince came, she believed she had her opportunity, risked all, stumbled into the very nightmare she had sought to escape — and lost.

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." that declaration comes down to us from the magisterial heights of Tolstoy. But it is a false one. The happy family is a protean myth, shifting shape with the fashion of the times. The reality is that every unhappy family is alike. And, alas, unhappy families abound, trapped in cycles of aspiration and disappointment, of love and loss. The most augustly unhappy family in the world thus becomes a spectacular mirror for us all.

That is what is at the heart of our grief: simpler and yet more profound than a fascination with splendor; cosmic and yet as close to us as our parents, our brothers, our sisters, our children. In the ruins of Diana's life, we see the shadows and anxieties of the lives we are trying to build together — as husbands, as wives, as sons, as daughters. We shudder over our sorrow for Diana as if we were caught in paroxysms of self-pity. In embarrassment, we deny. In truth, we recognize.

Gerard Manley Hopkins voiced the emotion perfectly: Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed ...

It is the plight we were born for. It is ourselves we mourn for.


Saturday, August 25, 2007

Mind & Soul

Wondering which one dominates Mind or Soul!! Do you people agree? For any idea, decision, feeling, thought, pain etc will be dealt by two of our inner beings!!! Can you people guess what is that? All of us know what are they but some of our may not identify them or may not be able to name them. They are Mind and Soul. Mind works with brain and Soul with heart. It is not possible to mention which one is most important and which one is not. Wondering which one dominates it is Mind or Soul!! Difficult to answer. Situations only can decide the dominant among the two. People who give importance to Mind are labeled as Practical People wherein who give much importance to Soul are called as Emotional. Recent days most of them are turning more practical than emotional, is that a good sign? Practical people are achieving success shortly and firmly. Do you people think those who act very practical don’t they have emotions? Of course not they too have emotions but they don’t have a description for emotions within them. They are successful for outside world but within them they are the failures. They can never be satisfied for what they have achieved because they consider satisfaction also as something practical, which happens in life they fail to take the essence of satisfaction. People with lots of emotions can be satisfied for smaller achievements, since they feel the essence of success. Emotions are god’s gift to human to feel and enjoy!!! To be continued…