Perfectionism - Problems and Solutions

1.Be aware that perfectionism should not be confused with the desire to achieve excellence. The desire for excellence is the desire to do the very best possible while perfectionism is the quest for the unobtainable. In the extreme, perfectionism is like an obsession. Examples of such behavior include making sure that everything has its place and that one is always completely organized.

2.Perfectionism is based on a belief that "unless I am perfect, I am not okay." Perfectionists believe that they cannot be happy or enjoy life because they are not perfect. One does not have to be a compulsive organizer to be a perfectionist. Often, holding oneself or others to unrealistic standards can, by itself, result in stress.

3. Perfectionist thinking also can be a negative force in one's life. Perfectionists are typically driven by fear which is primarily the fear of failure. Perfectionism is an intense competition with oneself. Perfectionism, like anger, is one of the behavioural precursors of coronary heart disease and other physical problems. A high score on the scale of perfectionism will make any individual susceptible to such diseases.

Perfectionist, change your ways

Set realistic expectations
Most perfectionists try to do too much at one time. Frequently, they set extremely high standards for themselves and others that cannot be realistically attained. This attitude can be self-destructive. Goals that stretch people are fine. Goals that break people are not.
Deal with your fear of failure
Since the fear of failure motivates the perfectionist, ask yourself: "What is the worst thing that could happen if I didn't do everything just so perfectly?" Practice leaving some things undone or not as "perfect" as you would normally do. Most things can wait a day or two. Distinguish between life's essentials and non-essentials, so you know where to spend your effort and energy. Misplaced effort results only in greater disappointment.
Take time for yourself
Perfectionists often do not know what their true needs are or how to go about meeting those needs. Recognize that your needs are important.
Let go
Learn the art of "letting go". Remember that there is a time to turn off the computer, put the pen down and call it a day. Letting go is one of the best techniques you can learn.

What is Self Esteem?

Self-esteem is our internal feelings and evaluation of ourselves based on our perceived self-image. Self-esteem and self image are closely inter-related. And are largely based on our feedback while growing-up (parents, peers and other important figures).

And it doesn't take a continual repetition of negative statements from our parents, peers and others throughout our childhood to cause low self-image and self-esteem. Once we get a couple in our head, we can use them over and over again. That's what negative self-talk is....it erases the good, and replenishes it with bad. We take those false negatives and repeat them unconsciously. We need to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk.

Can counselling help? Most definitely. Negative self-talk is a problem that most counsellors are able to address.

Feel good about yourself :

Learn to like your trouble spots. Try some positive thinking on your trouble spots. For eg., "I hate my legs, but they work. I can walk and dance. And since I have no control over the way they look, it's silly to get obsessed over them."
Pamper yourself. Take baths and get massages, facials, manicures and pedicures. They will make you look good and feel good, and help you achieve your goal.
Stop negative talk. Make positive speech a long-term goal. Stop saying to yourself, 'I was bad (or good) today.' You will begin to feel better about yourself.
Don't compare yourself with others. Instead, think, "I'm better or just as good as anyone else is. Once you start thinking that about yourself, believe me, your self-confidence will soar high.
Look in the mirror and say, "I look good." You may not believe it now, but you will eventually believe it, if you keep saying this to yourself everyday. It's the power of positive thinking.